Judging others is a natural human tendency. I’ve done it…a lot…still do. I judge my teenagers who insist they don’t need a jacket even in sub-zero weather. I judge the driver in front of me who is going 5 km below the speed limit. I judge that guy at work who talks too much or the woman who thinks she knows everything. Social media gives us all kinds of things to judge (and an endless source of self-appointed judges).
For a long time, it never occurred to me that judgements might be harmful to me or the relationships I have with others.
Maybe my inner judgement of the slow driver ahead of me isn’t that harmful, but what about the judgements we make as leaders of the people we lead? How might our judgements get in the way of them achieving their potential? What about those judgements that divide us as humans?
I’ve been working on catching myself when I make those judgements, for years, actually. It’s not easy, but I do think it’s worthwhile.
When we stop judging and focus on empathy, understanding, and kindness, we build better relationships with others. Judging others creates division, fosters insecurity, and prevents us from building meaningful, supportive relationships.
At a deeper level, judgments often reflect our inner struggles and fears. When we judge others, it's often a projection of our own insecurities. We may feel inadequate and, as a result, try to elevate ourselves by pointing out others' flaws. This behavior is fueled by fear—fear that if we don’t compare ourselves to others, we won’t measure up.
The Power of Empathy
Empathy allows us to understand where someone is coming from, acknowledging that each person has their own unique struggles, strengths, and stories. When we stop judging, we start connecting.
Empathy also involves looking inward, understanding that when we judge others, we are often operating from a place of insecurity or fear. When we realize this, we can choose a different response—one rooted in understanding and compassion.
Empathy doesn’t mean we have to agree with everyone or accept harmful behaviors. It simply means we choose to acknowledge that we are all imperfectly human. We want our own flaws to be understood rather than condemned. When we stop judging, we create space for growth, both in ourselves and in others.
How to Break the Cycle of Judgment
Practice Self-Compassion: The more compassionate we are with ourselves, the less we need to judge others. When we make mistakes, instead of criticizing ourselves, we can practice self-forgiveness and self-acceptance. This, in turn, helps us treat others with the same grace.
Challenge Your Inner Critic: Recognize when this inner voice is speaking—whether it's telling us we're not good enough or encouraging us to judge others. By questioning these thoughts, we can shift our focus away from comparison and toward self-empowerment.
Shift Your Focus to Growth: Instead of criticizing someone for not meeting a certain standard, focus on their potential for growth. Encourage, support, and uplift those around you. When you stop judging others, you start to see them as fellow travelers on the journey of life, each navigating their own challenges.
Celebrate Diversity: We are all unique, with different backgrounds, experiences, and viewpoints. Embracing this diversity not only makes us more compassionate but also opens us up to new perspectives. Instead of judging, try to understand how someone’s life journey has shaped who they are today.
Mind Your Words: Language is powerful. The words we use to describe others reflect our judgments. Replace criticisms with encouragement. Speak with kindness and understanding, both to others and to yourself.
Seek to understand: Take time to be curious and learn more about someone before making a judgement. Put yourself in others' shoes. Try to understand their experiences and perspectives.
The Impact of Letting Go of Judgment
When we stop judging, we create an environment where people can thrive without fear of criticism or rejection. This leads to more authentic relationships, where people feel seen, heard, and valued for who they truly are. Moreover, letting go of judgment creates a ripple effect, encouraging others to do the same.
Life is complicated. We all carry our own burdens and challenges. The judgments we make about others often obscure this shared humanity, leading us to see each other as competitors instead of collaborators. The moment we choose to see others with empathy rather than judgment, we unlock the potential for real connection, understanding, and mutual support.
Let’s choose understanding over judgment, connection over comparison. Our workplaces, and the world becomes a far better place when we stop judging each other and start seeing each other for who we truly are.
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